Hey Diddle Diddle
by Courier999
Summary: Batman and Robin must play a little game with the Riddler and Pagliacci- or else. Rated K  for edgy content. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

BATMAN: Hey Diddle Diddle

_Batman_ is property of DC Comics. Pagliacci is property of cscarlett15.

_"Riddle me this- what does a can of beer have in common with Maxie Zeus?"_ The videotaped Riddler asked.

"_Non so."_ The videotaped Pagliacci answered.

"_They both have BIG HEADS!"_ Riddler replied.

At Commissioner Gordon's office, Batman, Robin, and the Commissioner were watching the tape.

"Riddler and Pagliacci- hosting a game show?" Robin asked.

Commissioner Gordon fast-forwarded the tape.

_"Riddle me this- what rejuvenates you, is in technicolor, and can drive you insane?"_ Riddler asked.

_"A Lazarus Pit."_ Pagliacci answered.

"_Excellent, my lovely assistant. And now a challenge for the Dork Knight- find my radio transmitters scattered across Gotham, or Pagliacci drops a vat of acid into the Gotham Lazarus Pit!"_ Riddler chortled.

"Any idea of what in blue blazes a Lazarus Pit is?" Commissioner Gordon asked.

"A rejuvenating chemical bath capable of bringing one back from the dead. The cocktail in those pits is highly reactive. If Pagliacci drops the acid, it could start a chemical chain reaction, resulting in a disaster of biblical proportions." Batman answered.

"Any ideas, Batman?" Commissioner Gordon asked.

"Evacuate Gotham City and Blüdhaven." Batman answered.

THE FIRST RIDDLE: _I didn't know that the first pope ran a diner in the Bowery._

The first riddle was on Commissioner Gordon's door.

"Why would the Pope run a diner?" Robin asked.

"It's a fitting wordplay." Batman answered.

"I don't get it." Robin replied.

"The first pope was…" Batman began.

"Saint Peter!" Robin finished.

"And an abbreviation for Peter is…" Batman continued.

"Pete!" Robin finished.

"It's obvious- the transmitter is at Pete's Diner in the Bowery." Batman concluded.

THE SECOND RIDDLE: _This songbird spent too much time in the coal mine_.

_He's lost his edge_. Batman thought upon finding the second riddle at Pete's Diner.

"What's he talking about?" Robin pondered to himself- albeit a bit louder than he intended.

"Black Canary." Batman replied.

"What?" Robin asked.

"Back in the old days, coal miners would bring canaries into the mines. If the canary died, poison gases were at lethal levels." Batman answered.

"Where would we find Black Canary?" Robin retorted.

"At her day job." Batman answered.

THE THIRD RIDDLE: _I don't think that you'll do well at Carnival if your face is a black skull_.

The Dynamic Duo arrived at the Black Canary Bar a few blocks down. Underneath the actual bar was the third riddle.

"Riddler must be running out of good material." Batman mused.

Robin observed the conundrum.

"Let me guess- the next one's at Black Mask's hideout." Robin piped up.

"Exactly." Batman replied


	2. Chapter 2

THE FOURTH RIDDLE: _Leaves of Three, let her be_

The fourth riddle riddle was pinned to an air shaft on the roof of Black Mask's lair.

"This is child's play- Poison Ivy has the next riddle." Batman grumbled.

"He really is losing it, Batman." Robin replied.

THE FIFTH RIDDLE: _What does the Titanic have in common with Cobblepot?_

The fifth riddle was pinned to a "LILACS- 50% OFF" sign.

"Icebergs." Batman answered.

"Elaborate." Robin requested.

"The Iceberg Lounge is run by Cobblepot. The _Titanic_ hit an iceberg. Therefore, the next riddle is at the Iceberg Lounge." Batman replied.

THE SIXTH RIDDLE: _Where did it all begin? Was it at the King Cinema?_

Batman and Robin arrived at the Iceberg Lounge. A few minutes later, the Dynamic Duo visited the Penguin himself.

"What do you two want?" Penguin demanded.

"The riddle." Batman answered.

"You mean that piece of paper that I received from that Pagliacci?" Penguin asked.

"Yes." Batman replied.

Batman read the riddle, and left.

On a nearby rooftop, Batman's psyche began to piece itself back together.

_How did Riddler know that my parents were murdered when we were leaving the Monarch Theatre?_

THE SEVENTH RIDDLE: _Hawk, falcon, or kestrel- nobody does it better._

Batman did a double-take. How did Riddler know where the Birds of Prey were based out of?

"This is going to be a long night." Batman mused.

THE EIGHTH RIDDLE: _I knew a rider who didn't know JACK about his horse._

On the roof of the Birds of Prey's HQ on the corner of Nolan and Miller, Batman and Robin read the riddle.

"Jack Ryder has riddle #9- but where is he?" Robin pondered.

"Dini Towers." Batman replied


End file.
